Saturday, November 29, 2008

The wheels of the bus go round and round

Traveling is tiring, but sometimes I love the bus rides, and the chance for quiet contemplation and prayer. 
Thoughts on what people assume to be an elite education, and how at times I long to be a product of the system -- academically and socioeconomically; yet I know the real me desires the education and the intellectual pursuit but I seek to disengage myself from the culture of drivenness, wealth and sophistication. And if not possible to disengage, to insulate.
Reflections on the year that has been, what I've accomplished, missed, and need to improve. I've been challenged and stretched in many ways and directions, and am always trying to find that equilibrium point where by His grace I can minimize (or nullify!) the trade-off between the things important.
Deliberations on friendships and relationships. About not expecting the boundaries of my comfort zone to magically expand, but about stepping out and pulling them with you. About ethical standards in life, and about conversations I've had with many different people on biblical purity in relationships. 
Introspection on my own heart. If it longs for what is right and pure and holy. If it longs for love. If it longs for God, and if it longs for Him enough. If it is hard and quick to judge.
And then I set goals. And learn to surrender.

So it is indeed quite possible in a seemingly wasted 2 hour bus ride to accomplish much. Though it has to be done while fighting the distractions of the common curses of the bus ride, the speaking-mad-loudly-into-the-phone-lady, the crying-baby, and the couple-who-scream-from-the-back-to-the-front-of-the-bus. And the not typical yet occasional problem of the complete-stranger-falling-asleep-on-your-shoulder syndrome. Pwoah. 

Oh and besides thinking about more serious stuff, I also think about completely random things. Like accents, and how I haven't decided how I want to pronounce "water" yet. Whether with an American twang, where I let the "t" sound roll over, or whether I should be a bit more British and pronounce both syllables distinctly and emphasize the "t" in a very British-y manner. And about the mapo tofu stain on my sweater, and if it'll come off in the washing machine, and my friend's cute Japanese way of removing stains if all else fails.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Today was nice

Because:
- We had an international food fest, and I cooked a chicken dish in an amount I've never come remotely close too, it filled an entire tray haha. And had quite positive reviews yay
- Had a good Skype conversation with my parents and my dad's brother's family from Kuching
- I rested so much today. It was the kind of rest where you wake up and could probably start doing things, but allow yourself the luxurious pleasure of closing your eyes again without feeling guilty. Sadly such rest, ie resting more than the minimum required to function well, hasn't come too often this semester. Think I was able to do so partly because the year's coming to an end and everything's beginning to wind down, and also thankfully because the semester started well and that has given me a reasonably comfortable buffer for most of my classes, save a couple where I do have to push myself as hard as I can for final exams. So mentally today was very refreshing.
- There's a lot to look forward to tomorrow. Soccer in the morning, then church, then the entire afternoon in the Linux computer lab (doesn't sound like too much fun, but I do enjoy that class haha, and I'm on the final stretch of a 25 hour assignment so the end's in sight!), and a thanksgiving dinner. Then a short short week ahead before break!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Emotions

Where there is pride, may I be humbled and be broken.
Where there is temptation to boast, may I boast in my weaknesses.
Where there is affection, may I find true love in You.
Where there is anger and bitterness, may I learn to release, and to forgive.
Where there is identity in academic success, may I remember what is eternal.
Where there is fatigue and weariness, may I find strength in You.
Where there is insecurity, may I realize who I am, and Whose I am.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Slogging

I've been slogging away at my laptop since mid-afternoon till now, working on a programming assignment. And I'm done, thank God.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm in Computer Science, whether I really enjoy the work (not the quantity, but the subject), or whether I enjoy it for the relieving satisfaction that follows when your code finally works after 4 hours of debugging.

Probably both, I think.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

A bulletin.

I just received an email from someone containing the bulletin of the interschool debating championships that we used to take part in.

Quite overwhelming indeed, the torrent of emotions that came upon reading it.

Nostalgia. For it reconnected me to a place and event that was such a big part of my life.
Gratitude. For how it impacted me, and for the awesome people I've met.
Camaraderie. For the unbelievable teammates and coach we had, and our enduring friendships.
Honor. For the editor described St. Xavier's as "legendary", and I was deeply honored and above that, thankful, that I was accorded such an amazing opportunity to be part of so special a school, and so extraordinary a team.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

A tribute to President Obama

His acceptance speech was amazing :) It rouses the spirit, it unites, its sheer impact makes the hair on your back stand, it encapsulates the very essence of who a President should be: his character, his ideals, his perseverance. The last part was hauntingly similar to Martin Luther King's I have a dream speech, especially when he continuously uses the rhetoric "yes we can", just as MLK used "I have a dream".

Listening to it in the GCC suite was so much more worth it than studying for my exam tomorrow hee. Philly is going wild -- first the World Series, and now an Obama presidency.

__
PRESIDENT-ELECT BARACK OBAMA: If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

Its the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

Its the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

Its the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

Its been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.

I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and hes fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nations promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the Vice President-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nations next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy thats coming with us to the White House. And while shes no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics - you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what youve sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to - it belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didnt start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington - it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.

It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generations apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.

I know you didnt do this just to win an election and I know you didnt do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime - two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how theyll make the mortgage, or pay their doctors bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America - I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you - we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who wont agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government cant solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way its been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years - block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began twenty-one months ago in the depths of winter must not end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek - it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, its that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers - in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House - a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, We are not enemies, but friends…though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world - our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down - we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security - we support you. And to all those who have wondered if Americas beacon still burns as bright - tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

For that is the true genius of America - that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one thats on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. Shes a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing - Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldnt vote for two reasons - because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that shes seen throughout her century in America - the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we cant, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when womens voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that We Shall Overcome. Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves - if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we cant, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Some thoughts

This post has no theme by the way, it's just a collection of many things that've been on my mind.

I titled it "Some thoughts", because I find it interesting that many scholarly papers begin with "Some". Like "Mathematics for Computer Science: Some Notes", and I have definitely seen it in more papers, but I shall not convolute this post with horribly technical scientific terms that I don't understand, so I shall refrain from naming others. I think it's because given how some of them are so precise, they're afraid of the connotation of total comprehensiveness if they were to write "Mathematics for ComSci: Notes" instead, that it would maybe mean ALL notes on computer science math or something. Lol. I just find it amusing that people would bother to be that precise.

I still haven't decided what I want to study. I'm rather sure I'm doing Computer Science, but I'm still unsure if I should go ahead with Wharton, or maybe replace it with something else. Have been thinking and trying to dissect my motives, and am praying that whatever I decide it shall be what God wants me to do, and not it be just me making my own decision and forcing God's approval.

And in line with that, I've been thinking a lot about surrender, and humility. How to release the reins over my life and develop a right perspective of trust and faith. 

I think I've become very sensitive (partly because of my own insecurity) when people try to mask arrogance with pretentious humility. Like when they talk about how difficult their classes (and how they're supposedly not coping), but through that are really trying to show off; or talk about how overwhelming their schedule is, and try to emphasize all the tough activities they're doing; you can tell from their tone of voice and word choice and facial expression. I mean I am honestly highly impressed by their intellect and drive and always look up to such people, but am a little disappointed that sometimes they try to rub off their intelligence. But what this really reveals to me is this: How fallen and depraved humans are, where we are always filled with selfish motives, AND how judgmental and insecure and proud (that's why I so easily recognize pride in others) I am. Seriously, I think whenever I notice hidden motives in people I'm starting to look at myself and see how much I hide these motives too, and how the attributes I most dislike in people I see most in myself. Sigh, I feel I've really just cut through and exposed myself by writing this, but I'll rather boast about my weaknesses, that Christ's power may rest on me.

And so, if you ever think I'm trying to show off subtly, please tell it to my face/slap me and don't sugar coat it or something. I think everyone can do with a good humbling sometimes, as painful as it is :)

The past week was decent. Next two weeks will be kinda bad, because I've an assignment that'll probably suck the life out of me, since the learning curve involved will be so steep, and I've so little prior knowledge compared to the rest of the class who have done one or two more semesters of ComSci than I have because I started late.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving already. Partial signs of mental exhaustion showing :/

The Malaysians went to an Indonesian restaurant yesterday, and we had mi goreng soooo goood. And nasi babi (the menu said that, for some reason they didn't bother to use khinzir). And murtabak. They almost wanted to order frog too, but we chickened out and it was too expensive anyways.

My friend told me I have big lips. Lol. I don't think so la.

I realize I write in really long sentences eeks