Thought process: Engineering vs Liberal Arts

I've been mentally exhausted the whole day after such a long night. Even if you make up the lost hours of sleep, physically you might recover, but the mental drain of being awake for almost 24 hours straight operating at full concentration is very evident.

I had three assignments due today, two were technical problem sets, and the other was a management essay about the impact of cultural differences on your leadership style/your team. Working through assignments that required such different approaches simultaneously wasn't the most pleasant experience, and I think the differences in approach were really amplified due to the high-stress levels.

Since most of my classes this semester (and in fact all of last semester) are technical math/logic related classes, it's become part of my nature to analyze problems from an engineering perspective, where you disengage your emotions from the problem, and dissect it from a purely technical standpoint. It is a succinct, cold, logical process, almost mechanical after practice, where you understand the problem, understand the desired final end product, and slowly apply logic to build step upon step.

And then I started working on the essay at about 3am, and initially applied the same perspective -- understanding the prompt, understanding the end product, almost disengaging my emotions and applying logic, and then I realized I was hitting mental blocks, and words and ideas were not flowing. It was overly elaborate, unnatural, and uncomfortable. For my reference was no longer concrete and tangible, like other problem sets with solutions, or textbooks with formulas; it was now my own emotions and observations, hidden behind multiple layers. And the unearthing of the richness and depth of the human soul requires reflection and self-evaluation, all of which I had not given time for amidst the horrendous busyness of the weak, and certainly not something that could be rushed at 3am with another uncompleted assignment due at 9am.

And so I come out of this experience different, knowing that in such future writing assignments, a paradigm shift is crucial. And I come out too a lot more desperate for God, because after such trying moments of fatigue and frustration, you experience emptiness, and become reminded once again that even the fulfillment emanating from a task well done does not come close to filling the void.