Week by week

Every week is a struggle - vividly colored with events, meetings, and exams; yet so monotonous. For busyness drags you along so fast that your surroundings become a blurred sight, a constant shade lacking tone or variation.

But more worryingly is when you start losing motivation to keep up with that insane pace. When falling behind becomes an option. But yet you know if you do, the balance will be thrown off, and things will begin to crumble. And so what keeps you going is that small part within you that fears uncertainty, and fears failure. It gives you the surge of adrenaline that barely lasts sufficiently long, and then you crash over the weekend. And the cycle repeats itself the next week.

Sigh. Sometimes I don't even know why I do things - it's so easy to lose sight of the big picture. And when I search myself and identify those motivations, that primitive, human fear of failure, I don't know what to conclude.

Every week I ask myself the same question, how should I trust? What does it mean to trust? When you lose energy for life itself, where do you find the strength to trust?

But the light at the end of the tunnel is visible. I've planned out my schedule for my remaining two years, and the overwork these two semesters will pay off :) This season will soon come to past. I have to keep pressing on, keep pushing forward, keep persevering, and keep trusting. Even amidst disillusionment about what it really means.